Peer Responses ( my responses)

I really think that your memories of Chris are great, but as stated in the post above, could be expanded upon. I also agree with the above post on transitions which will make the profile seem unified as a whole rather than somewhat disruptive. I also believe that adding details will make your profile much better and can give insight to the reader, like myself to whom or what Chris looked like. Descriptions of Chris personality and characteristic’s in your first a second memory will help strengthen it. Also, I think that you should also add somewhere in your profile the answer to these questions. What did being a scoutmaster feel for you before Chris? How has your viewpoint changed or shift from your admiration of Chris? In what ways do you feel that Chris and you are different or very similar? How does Chris view his experience and learning through his transition to becoming a scout master? Did Chris have the same effect on you the way he had to others?  Overall by adding these elements, detail and perhaps even some dialogue can help give readers the full picture of Chris and his legacy to you and perhaps others.

Josh,

I also feel the same way about my mother and how she has influenced me to be the person I am today. I really like the first 2 paragraphs and felt they were perhaps the strongest part of your profile. I although found minor grammar mistakes that you might want to look over in this profile. For instance a sentence from your profile “From these two moments of major shock my mother rose from the ashes to become the person that she is today.” I would also consider answering some of these questions in your profile as well to make the profile unified to convey a message. How does your mother hardships influence the way you perceive the world around you? What can you take away from her struggle? You might also want to answer the question what made your mother want to try so many different things and what was her motivation. I would also consider adding some dialogue from your mother. This will greatly enhance your profile, as the reader will begin to understand the experiences and what they mean to your mother. Overall, I think your profile is great, but just need these elements to really connect it together to help convey how your mother impacted you.

I feel you add lots of good elements and gave a good sense of information about Elfreth’s Alley. In other words, the information you gave is a good basis for your views on your profile subject. One suggestion that I have is perhaps for your actual profile itself give historical facts about Elfreth’s Alley including the location and its original purpose compared to what it as of right now. I feel this would work especially well with the idea of communicating the uniqueness of the alley and give some insight on how much things have changed throughout history. For example, you could focus on the parallels that the alley has compared to modern day lifestyle. Another thing I really like is your sentence “Feeling the different bricks and stones, each has a distinct topography similar to a fingerprint”. I feel that you can expand on this with historical research with describing the architecture to give readers more knowledge on what this building symbolizes. In general, I feel that the way you describe the alley in your writing really conveys a good foundation for readers just stepping in and unfamiliar with your overall subject. Overall, I really like your pieces and feel that if you just dig deeper into these insights such as the specifics of what the buildings have or were and perhaps engravings in the building it would make your profile stand out.

Hi Joseph,

I read your first draft and some detail in this restricted writing definitely show that you added so much about who Chris and his personality. I feel that you could expand more on these elements in your final profile. One thing you should definitely add is the physical characteristics and mannerism of Chris. These include what did Chris wear, how did he approach difficult situations and how was he an effective leader. You could also describe more about the way Chris teaches whether as a surgeon or scoutmaster. You could mention and draw parallels to your view of Chris and how others view him. In your final draft, you could perhaps expand more on that giving more insight and detail to the way he teaches as a surgeon and overall draw parallels to your personal experience with Chris. You could also mention or highlight some qualities that make Chris an admirable scoutmaster to your overall beliefs. Another suggestion is perhaps to give information on how Chris views his own self as Scoutmaster and to his values. Overall, I really like the way you are developing your profile and it is definitely much more evident that Chris is someone you truly admire.

I found your puzzle writing to be really silly. I like the way that you incorporated dialogue and made an actual story about despite the restriction that were imposed. More specifically, I found it very interesting how you were able to vary your sentence structure fir this assignment while at the same give emphasis to the way you used words. For instance, you mention multiple times the way that the baby went ahead to go and steal your belongings in this story.  I really like the sentence “The baby had produced wrath in me, and I produced cruddy beds!” The sentence gives the reader an expectation to what will happen next within the story. I also like the way you were able to give characterization of the baby in the beginning of the story by telling he liked to produced abundant toothpaste, his habits, physical description and in general the main characters view or judgement on who he believed the baby was.  Overall, I think the way you fashioned your story was both very unique and witty as the sentence structure and the way your story was written fitted your fast paste story plot.

I found your 50 word puzzle to be very interesting and poetic. I also fashioned my story in a similar way for there to be varying mix of words. I like the way you gave emphasis to sentences that started out the same, but ended up differently, as there were different words at the end. It gives a very unique feeling to your story. I personally can connect with your restricted writing as I also employed a similar strategy of using my words to overall tell a message at the end.  I like the way you ended your writing with the same place you began it with the idea of wishing. This seems to be the main message of your piece of writing in this poem. I like the way your poem progresses with the mentioning of a few attribute about stars. In addition, the varied sentence structure makes this writing also flow smooth as it transitions from one thought of an idea to another. Overall, the way you have written this poem also makes it feel very open and messaged towards anyone since you used the word “we”.